Not What I Signed Up For!!

Just to warn you -- this may sound whiney, so if you don't like to listen to me whine -- don't read any more!! I knew when I had children that there would be difficult times. I knew there would be labor, sleepless nights, cranky babies and toddlers, terrible 3's, ( yeah, I know, but mine were all worse at 3). I expected hormonal teenage girls, moody teenage boys, moving out, going away to college, etc... The thing I didn't expect was how much you can hurt for your kids. It's so hard to see your kids want something so badly, work so hard for it, and still not achieve it. You get so invested in helping your kids succeed, you support them, you cheer them on, and when things don't go the right way, it hurts like a knife to the chest. Sometimes I think I care more and hurt more than they do when they face dissappointments. It rips me apart, and I can't do anything to fix it. I think that's the hardest part. As a mom, as a caregiver, part of my job is to make things better, so when my kids are hurting, I want to make it better. When I can't, I feel lost. Sometimes I just don't understand why these things happen.

It makes me think of how Heavenly Father must feel. He wants the best for us, and it hurts Him when we are hurting. He can't fix it for us because we have to face the consequences of our choices. If this is a taste of eternity, I'm not sure I want it... I don't know if I can handle always hurting for my kids, I just love them too much and want life to be good for them. I know that life is full of challenges and dissappointments, and I know that is what makes us stronger, I just wish there was an easier way. When I look at my problems, they seem so insignificant compared to what some of my dear friends are struggling with, but I just really needed to vent a little.

New Year's Day Sledding

Jordyn loves to play in the snow! She's played in the yard before, but this was her first time actually sledding, and she couldn't get enough!

Dennis took Jordyn down the first few times, but then she decided she was big enough to do it herself. She even went over the "jump"!

Matthew was an animal! He had a blast, going backward, frontward, head first, and even body sledding! Unfortunately, the other kids didn't want to join us. Michael and Ammon stayed home to watch football, Jayme was at work, and Jenn -- well, I'm not really sure what she was doing. We had a great time!

Some of my cute kids...

My three cute boys: Matthew, Michael, Ammon

Ammon and Jordyn cheesing it up!

Jordyn and Matthew

Sorry girls, but you weren't ready as early as the boys and Jordyn were. :(

Families are Forever!!

Friday brought us a really special opportunity masked in tragedy and sorrow. We were able to attend the funeral of the son of our dear friends, Dave and Katrina Harlan. Neal was killed in a car accident last Monday while traveling up the canyon for a day of snowboarding. We went early so that we could have a few minutes with the Harlan family. I cannot imagine the grief and pain of losing a child, and while they were tearful and sad, they were also strong and hopeful. They are such an amazing family with so much strength -- I really admire them. We had gone over to their home on Wednesday, and Dave just kept saying how grateful he was for the Gospel. Without that comfort, the pain would be unbearable.

They had set up displays of Neal in the foyer. Pictures and things he loved. A lot of the pictures were of him as a young boy, so we were seeing the Neal that we remembered. There was even a picture of him with Jenn and Michael at Chuck E Cheese when they were probably 6 or so. That was hard for Jennifer to see, I think it brought back a lot of memories for her. When we first moved into our home, 15 years ago, the Harlan's had also just moved into their home. We became fast friends. All of our kids were the same ages, and were instant buddies. Jennifer was the only girl in a pack of little boys that age. We would go camping and hiking together several times a year, and had wonderful times together. Ammon and Chloe were even born on the same day in the same hospital! About 7 or 8 years ago, they moved to Mapleton. We have stayed friends, but not as close as we were. It's funny though, how tragedy brings people back into your lives. The love we have for them is still just as strong as it ever was.

The service itself was very nice. The Stake Center was packed clear back to the stage. I think half of Springville High was there. The opening song was "Called to Serve". What a poignant choice that was. Their daughter Brianna is on a mission in France, and they feel that Neal ended his mission earth early to serve a different type of mission in heaven. Camille spoke and shared some of the families favorite memories of Neal. She did such a good job! Dave then spoke, sharing thoughts of his only son. Then the Bishop spoke about the plan of salvation and put things into perspective. Although it was emotionally draining and totally gut wrenching, it was a good day. It still hurts to think about, but I know the Harlan family will be ok. I am so grateful for my testimony. I know that the gospel is true. I know that we will live again with our Father in Heaven. I know that families can be forever, and I believe that we will be. I know that through our Savior, Jesus Christ, we can do all things. I know that he suffered and died for us to take away our pain and our sorrows, if only we will let him.

Because of this experience this week, I've been a little more reflective, and a little more grateful for my own children. Michael had the thought that if the Harlan's hadn't moved, he and Neal would still be good friends, and there is possibility that he could have been in that car too. I just want to hug my kids and hold them close and never let them go. I've been giving lots of extra hugs this week!

Christmas

Christmas was great! We had our traditional big meal on Christmas Eve. This way I only have to spend one day cooking instead of two. Then on Christmas Day, we just relax and snack on leftovers. This year we had 20 people for dinner! I think that was a record for us, and food coming out of our ears! There was our family of course, my dad, my brother Scott and his four children. We also had Jennifer's boyfriend, Adam, and Scott's friend Darla and her three kids.

It was a wild and crazy group!! We ate and played games, and had a great time. After they left, the kids couldn't wait to open their new pajamas and go to bed. The kids think they all have to sleep in the same room on Christmas Eve, but as the kids have gotten older, this has gotten more difficult. All six of them were in Matthew and Jordyn's room. I'm not exactly sure of their arrangements, but in the morning, Jayme and Ammon were back in their own beds, and Jordyn was in mine!

The kids let us sleep until 7:00, wow! As soon as presents were opened and breakfast was eaten, pretty much everyone went back to bed for a nap. Oh, the joy of teenagers and young adults! Mom of course still had work to do and only got a short nap. The rest of the day was spent just playing games and relaxing.

Gratitude

Wow, what a week. Friday we drove up to Bountiful in a blizzard to watch Michael wrestle. Unfortunately he lost both of his matches that day and was eliminated from the tournament. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and especially for Michael. He works so hard, and wants it so bad, and the success is slow to come for him. Saturday we were in Payson all day to watch Ammon wrestle. He was 4-1 that day, so we were pleased for him.

Yesterday we found out that our friends, Dave and Katrina Harlan, son was killed in a car accident. I have just been sick ever since I heard the news. Their son, Neal, was only 18. He and some friends were driving up Provo Canyon to go skiing, and another car skidded into them. Neal and another teenager were killed. I can't even imagine the pain of losing a child, and my heart and love goes out to the Harlan family. Thank goodness for the gospel, the plan of salvation, temples, and the knowledge we all can have of where our loved ones are.

I feel a little silly moping about Michael losing his tournament when such horrible things are happening to people I care about. I couldn't help but think how grateful I am to have my children and be able to hug them tonight.

Stone Boys -- Merry Christmas!!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards