Confessions of a Real Mom

I saw something similar on another blog, and it was just too cute and too true, that I couldn't resist borrowing and adapting it to my life. There is a quote from the Earl of Rochester, "Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories." I didn't have theories so much as the notion that I would raise perfect, well behaved, beautiful children, and I would be the most involved, patient, perfect Mom. I do learn quickly, it only took me about a week after our first child was born to realize that I knew NOTHING, and with each individual child I learned that the rules had completely changed. As soon as I got one thing figured out, there was a new situation with completely new rules. Here are just a few of the ways that I have fallen short of my original plans:

* Sometimes I nod and make noises to pretend I am listening to my children when I am not. Especially before 9 am and after 10 pm. It didn't take the kids long to figure that one out and ask me for things during those times. I would often say yes and not realize what I was agreeing to.

* I gave up on daily baths for me and the kids after the second child was born.

* I do have a one bite rule, but I have become increasingly lax about this. Child number 6 pretty much eats whatever she wants, while a previous child went hungry for three days before he took a bite of taquito. PS, he liked it!

* I like to be around my kids most of the time, but I don't always want to play with them.

* There are days when I'm the one asking if we can just do nothing and hang out all day.

* While I love my children at all ages, there are some stages I have enjoyed much more. I really enjoy my older teenagers and adult children.

* I have forgotten to pick up a child on time on many occasions. Hey, it's good for them to walk home, and it teaches them patience to wait for me, right? I wait for them all the time!

* I readily admit that I do the happy dance on the first day of school. And I didn't cry at all when my youngest went to kindergarten this year.

* I am not organized enough or well enough budgeted to pay an allowance. I will pay for "extra" jobs, and I will bribe my children. Sometimes the lunatics do run the asylum.

* I have become my mother and do many things I swore I would never do to my kids: guilt, yell, threaten to call the North Pole, embarrass and scream uncontrollably. Did I mention that I lose it sometimes?

* Our tooth fairy gets lost quite often. One time it took her a week to find our house. The Easter bunny too. Sometimes he comes Saturday morning, and sometimes he comes Sunday night, or it could be anywhere in between. I wonder why my kids don't believe in fairy tales...

* If a lego or barbie shoe is on the floor, I vacuum it up. If it isn't important enough for them to pick it up, I don't care either.

I feel much better now. Please don't forget that Mother's Day is in two weeks and I'd love breakfast in bed and lots of chocolate!