Just Call Me Mrs. Grinch

I confess, I hate Christmas. Not like, oh, I never want to have Christmas. Just like, it's never all it's cracked up to be. I always envision a "picture perfect" Norman Rockwell type Christmas, and it never, ever happens. You'd think I'd know that by now, but no, I still hope for perfection every year. So, here's what happens, and why the dread is beginning to set in.

I want it all. I want a beautiful tree, beautiful home, beautiful, grateful, helpful children. I want everyone walking around humming or singing Christmas songs. I want the children to cheerfully help me in the kitchen. I want my house clean, not just clean, but spotless, all the time. I want delicious homemade treats, yummy dinners, and perfectly wrapped presents under the tree.

The problem is, I am the only one that wants this, so I am the only one to do everything. And because I am the only one with thexe expectations, I am the only one disappointed. However I manage to be disappointed enough to put a damper on everyone else's enjoyment. I do all of the decorating, shopping, cooking, wrapping, etc. and I end up exhausted. I work for weeks to try and make it perfect. I make sure everyone gets exactly what they asked for, and that everyone gets not only the same number of gifts, but the same dollar amont of gifts, too. I cook a scrumptious meal to feed an army, and treats for the whole neighborhood. We have our big dinner on Christmas eve, it's less stressful that way. So after screaming at everyone to get dressed up "just a little", "maybe wash your face and comb your hair..." Everyone sits down and eats. This lasts 10 minutes. A full day's work to make the perfect meal, and it's over in 10 minutes. Wow, great, thanks mom.

Then it's quality time, reading Christmas stories, singing songs around the piano, drinking hot chocolate. Yeah right. "Come on kids, just sit still for one story, ok? Then I promise you can watch tv or play on the computer." "No, you can't open all of your presents tonight. Santa hasn't even come yet!" "Yes we have to read from the Bible, that would be what this is all about..."

Ok, finally we get that stuff done. Then we have to wait for everyone to finally go to bed and be asleep so I can finish putting out the gifts. Sometime after midnight I fall into bed. By 6 or 7 the kids are asking if they can go downstairs yet. So, now we go downstairs. We do draw out the present opening, but it still only takes about 20 minutes. Ok, is breakfast ready yet? Gee, thanks alot!

So, now you can see why I hate Christmas. Why do I do this to myself you ask? Hmmm, I don't know. I've tried lowering my expectations. Doesn't work. I've tried just not doing things. Doesn't work. We don't have elves at our house. I've tried asking for help. Doesn't work. Either it doesn't get done, or it doesn't get done right. So, year after year, I build things up only to have a collapse or melt down. Christmas is now in 3 short weeks. There are no decorations in my house, very few gifts have been purchased, no baking has been done, no Christmas cards sent, or plans made for neighbor treats. I think I'm just trying to avoid the whole thing. Don't think it will work.... it's coming whether I want it to or not.

Two years ago, right after Thanksgiving, my mom went into the hospital and never came home. She passed away the following January. Needless to say, Christmas that year was pretty horrible, and just compounded my complex love/hate relationship with Christmas. Last year, we tried avoidance and went on a cruise. The cruise was wonderful, Christmas itself was ok. We were gone the entire week beforehand, so there was no time to stress myself over getting things done. I just did what I could and oh well. Everyone loved it. I'm wondering if it's too late to plan a vacation this year? Maybe I should just go off by myself so I don't ruin it for everyone else, or maybe I should stop being so selfish. I need to stop worrying about what I want, and make it fun for everyone else. Wow.